dead

im just dead inside. thats all there is. thats all i feel. dead.

im just dealing with so much crap right now(not just the roommate, but other ppl and stuff too) where im at the point i cant sleep anymore. i mean, im tired, but i cant fall asleep. i just lay down and close my eyes. but im still awake. this has been going on for at least 5 days already. im just so exhausted. im never truly happy anymore. last night i literally cried myself to sleep(well i didnt sleep but you know). everytime i feel down in the dumps i like doing tarot card reading because they are always right. what i want most right now is death, which means ending everything, start anew, a change. 

thats it. thats all i want right now. a fresh new start and ending this current crap life

anyways, thats my bit of my depression for now...so moving on

since my pasmo was expiring on the 23rd, decided to travel a bit before i have to start paying full price for everything. so thursday went to futakotamagawa because ive always wanted to go to the river there. i went alone. but its ok. i was just relaxing looking at the water

i found a nice area to sit all alone and there were some cats i was stalking but they dont like me.

i got hungry and asked my mom whats good food nearby i can eat and she told me about this cheap katsu place in the next station. it was really cold because i didnt have a jacket and was tempted to just go home, but im glad i dealt with it and went to the restaurant! it was so delicious and only 500 yen!! too bad if i wanna go again i have to pay for transportation T_T

friday, i headed to akihabara one last time for a while since i havent been there since comiket

and i went alone again. my friend wouldve come but was busy but whatever otakus are too shy to come up to a pretty girl like me so didnt need to worry about ppl talking to me. but i bought some diabolik lovers stuff and something else but i forgot...

and that was my last day of pasmo T_T

so saturday going to shibuya wasnt free anymore but its not too expensive i guess...

so went to shibuya to meet my friend i made from the face painting gig since she likes gyaru too

actually on halloween the same school asked me to work for them again and i will cuz its good pay, easy, and fun! even though i dont really like kids i like their chubby cheeks!! then after that, back to shibuya for that big street event!!

anyways after met my friend went to SBY to get a snack since i was starving

they had a halloween menu so i decided to try the crepe. eh it was ok. the other crepes they have are better this was pretty plain..

since we were in the 109 tower just window shopping looking at all the nice clothes we cant buy

when i make money i can prob buy something here

also at book off in the used clothes store i found one of those hobo looking jackets for $12!!! ive always wanted one plus i know im gonna need to buy a heavy jjacket one day since it gets really cold in the winter(its already in the 60s) so it was perfect and i bought it im so happy!

i didnt have much money on me, so after i bought the jacket i was poor but was hungry so bought the cheapest thing at burger king which was a $4 meal but it still fills me up even if its kinda small(the drink is SMALLER than happy meal size)

and before we split took a purikura together but i couldnt get them to get on my phone oh well

heres how i look. i actually curled my hair

and yesterday went to yoyogi park with zac except i wore a pretty thin long sleeve shirt but it was really windy so it seemed colder than it really was and i was freezing. but i basically just ranted to him about everything. i felt a bit better but in the end i was still miserable.

lol on thursday i have an interview at tacobell. idc anymore. i like tacobell and my mom says its good pay so why not and they know i'm not that good at japanese so we'll see...

i also have to send a resume to a nail salon my mom applied for me. but im kinda scared to work at a nail salon here since the quality here is so much higher than america.

well, lets see how the rest of the week will be.